Monday, April 30, 2007

Reason #282

Like Shakira, Keith Hernandez's hips don't lie.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Reason #281

Keith Hernandez can easily handle long division.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Reason #280

Keith Hernandez isn't a poker player, but everytime he goes to the bathroom is considered a royal flush.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Reason #279

Guest blogger: Rich Tarantino - Yonkers, NY

Keith Hernandez has more gold gloves than cats have lives.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Reason #278

Keith Hernandez graduated high school with Straight A's not STDs.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Reason #277

Guest blogger: Rich Tarantino - Yonkers, NY

Sid Bream: ballplayer or Keith Hernandez and Willie Stargell wanna-be love child?

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

new minute or so

Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

Top NFL draft prospect Amobi Okoye admitted during interviews at the NFL combine that he has used marijuana. Teams are now wary of drafting him, as they now have to factor in the price of all those Cheetos.

Barry Bonds is continuing his pursuit of Hank Aaron. Let's hope all of this success doesn't go to his head. His massive, melon shaped head.

In basketball, Detroit Pistons guard Flip Murray says three gunshots were fired into his home by a pair of masked men. All three shots missed wildly, leading police to suspect that one of the shooters may have been Antoine Walker.

SuperSonics majority owner Clay Bennett has announced that Seattle will no longer have a basketball team beyond the 2007-08 season. The news shocked fans, who thought the Sonics stopped playing basketball in the late nineties.

Curtis Strange and Hubert Green have been elected to the World Golf Hall of Fame. The news was greeted by a very quiet and polite round of applause.

Friends report that reality star and wrestler Hulk Hogan has been quarreling nearly nonstop with his wife. Luckily no one has been hurt as all of their fights are heavily choreographed and planned out in advance.

David Beckham has been selected as the sexiest dad among a list of sexy entertainers and athletes. Former NBA star Shawn Kemp did not win, despite 75 of his children casting ballots.

And Nike took out a full-page ad in the New York Times thanking disgraced radio host Don Imus for bringing the issues of race relations and sexism to the forefront. The company also plans on throwing a parade for John Rocker. Imus' joke has also led to a lucrative book deal for the Rutgers coach Vivian Stringer. The book is tentatively titled, "Acting for Beginners."

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit

Reason #276

Keith Hernandez won scrabble one time by spelling Keith Hernandez on multiple triple letter score spaces.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Reason #275

Keith Hernandez never ate mashed potatoes and gravy with Little Richard.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Reason #274

Keith Hernandez's fur coat could kick Ralph Kiner's fur coat's ass.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Reason #273

Keith Hernandez can make a knot with a cherry stem in his mouth.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Reason #272

Guest blogger: Eli Moshman - Melbourne, Australia

Every time Keith Hernandez grooms his mustache an angel gets its wings.

Reason #272

Guest blogger: Eli Moshman - Melbourne, Australia

Every time Keith Hernandez grooms his mustache an angel gets its wings.

Reason #271

Keith Hernandez only switch hits on the field, if you catch our drift.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

New minute or so

Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

Congratulations to Kenya's Robert Cheruiyot, who won the Boston Marathon by outrunning the rest of the Kenyans. We're tired of Americans losing every marathon, and are starting our own. The course will be nine miles and can be driven.

Yankee pitcher Carl Pavano's girlfriend will be photographed for Maxim. Unless she gets injured first.

In basketball, Tim Duncan was given a technical foul and thrown out of a game for laughing at a call while on the bench. Officials feared for their safety as it's the first time Duncan has ever smiled.

Georgetown juniors Jeff Green and Roy Hibbert will submit their names for the NBA draft but will not sign with agents. That's great news for savvy NBA teams who are looking to sign the players for $15 a piece.

Turning to football, Minnesota Vikings cornerback Cedric Griffin was arrested at a night club for refusing to pull up his pants. Mr. Griffin, there is a time and a place for that kind of behavior, and that's on a cruise with the rest of your team.

Tennis star Andre Agassi hit wife Stefi Graf in the face with a tennis racquet during a charity event. Crazy what married people are into. In related news, Agassi ex Brooke Shields is no longer depressed.

And a 102-year-old woman has become the oldest golfer to ever record a hole-in-one. The woman was thrilled once she learned that she was golfing. She'll be even more thrilled when they tell her again in 20 minutes.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit

Reason #270

Keith Hernandez uses a dustbuster solely for his mustache.

Reason #269

Keith Hernandez knows all the lyrics to Laura Brannigan's "Self Control," because he has none.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Reason #268

Keith Hernandez likes his steak medium rare. He likes his women raw.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Reason #267

Keith Hernandez batting stance was inspired by Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo

Reason #266

Keith Hernandez never broke his leg playing chess.

new minute or so

Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

Denzel Washington's son will make his NFL Europa debut for the Hamburg Sea Devils. Well done, Jackie Robinson! Denzel said he is very pean football player, and he's such a good actor that he said it convincingly, too.

In American football, Drew Bledsoe finally retired - from being benched. Unfortunately he's already being benched from retirement in favor of Jake Plummer.

Suspended Titan Pac-Man Jones was ringside for his best friend Zab Judah's fight with Ruben Galvan, mainly because he's got nothing else to do. Thankfully, the fight was not in Vegas. Now that the suspended Tennessee Titan has the year free, may we suggest he try his hand at acting. First audition? The Longest Yard-Part II.

More trouble from the Imus scandal as new tapes reveal that he also said the Rutgers women's basketball team was "from New Jersey."

And the Chicago Blackhawks will have the first pick in the NHL Draft. The Blackhawks plan on using the pick to draft a new franchise. Either that or to draft fans that care.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit

Monday, April 16, 2007

Reason #265

With respect to Right Said Fred, Keith Hernandez is too sexy for this blog.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Reason #264

Keith Hernandez is a little like Shea Stadium only every night is Fireworks Night.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Reason #263

Keith Hernandez likes his lobster and women steamed.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Reason #262

Keith Hernandez stores food in his mustache to feed the homeless.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Reason #261

Keith Hernandez always keeps his flag at half-staff.

Reason #260

Keith Hernandez keeps a copy of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn in his pants.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Reason #259

In his heart of hearts, even Keith Hernandez misses Fran Healy.

Reason #258

Keith Hernandez is the only man to pull off this lame winter coat.

Reason #257

Keith Hernandez knows Snow Patrol is a band and not special enforcement.

Reason #256

Guest blogger: Rich Tarantino - Yonkers, NY

There are only three things in life that are guaranteed: death, taxes, and Keith Hernandez's mustache.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Reason #255

Calvin Klein tried to bottle Keith Hernandez's sweat in the late 1980s. Unfortunately, the cologne Forever Keith never made it to department store shelves.

Monday, April 9, 2007

new minute or so

Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

International players now make up 29% of Major League Baseball. So if you've gotten an American education, that's more than half. The New York Mets have the most international players on their current roster with 72,000. Half of Boston's roster is foreign born, but they all get bussed in.

In Louisville, the saddle worn by last year's Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro is expected to fetch the highest bid at a charity auction. Expected to fetch the lowest bid? A large bottle of glue.

CFL running back Ricky Williams has applied to be reinstated in the NFL, after using up all the pot in Toronto. Scouts are skeptical, as Williams has already taken way too many hits.

In basketball, Wizards point guard Gilbert Arenas will likely miss the rest of the season after knee surgery. Many Wizards fans wish they could be so lucky. Arenas' injury is unfortunate, as he is the best team in the Eastern Conference.

And two 43-year old former world champion boxers squared off this week. The two were told to touch gloves, keep it clean, and put a coat on - it's cold out. We're looking forward to next week, when the winner takes on Max Schmeling.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit

Reason #254

Keith Hernandez has had more Boogie Nights this month than William H. Macy has had in his entire lifetime.

Reason #253

Like Luke Skywalker, Keith Hernandez protects his lightsaber...especially when promiscuous women are involved.

Reason #252

Guest blogger: Eli Moshman - Melbourne, Australia

Keith Hernandez had 75 game-winning RBIs for the Mets in 1983 even though they won only 68 games that year.

Reason #251

Keith Hernandez didn't only achieve greatness playing baseball. From 1979-1990 he was the reigning king of shuffleboard.

Sunday, April 8, 2007

Reason #250

Keith Hernandez never wore a bunny costume on Easter.

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Reason #249

Keith Hernandez has "more fun in bed" but doesn't need Klein Sleep.

Friday, April 6, 2007

Reason #248

Keith Hernandez's advances have never been "rejected."

Reason #247

Keith Hernandez always lays all of his cards on the table.

Reason #246

All of Keith Hernandez's shoes cost $300.

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Reason #245

Every night spent with Keith Hernandez is a special occasion.

Reason #244

Unlike Sparky Anderson, Keith Hernandez has never Googled himself.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Reason #243

Keith Hernandez would never total a $1.5 million dollar car.

Reason #242

Rick Ownbey and Neil Allen were no Scott Kazmir.

Reason #241

Keith Hernandez took less balls to the chin than Johnny Bench.

Reason #240

Keith Hernandez inspired the lyrics to "Paradise by the Dashboard Light."

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Reason #239

Keith Hernandez has never met a bust he hasn't liked.